Things I Just Don't Get

With my 50th birthday just a couple days away, I am wondering why there seem to be more and more things I cannot understand. I thought we were supposed to get smarter with age. Oh well, they say 50 is the new 40, and as long as "they" are not talking about my waist size, I can live with that. Sam McKee once said I was a simple guy. I think he meant it as a compliment-- I don't pull punches, I don't play politics, I just express my opinion, straightforwardly, whether it is popular or not. Sometimes it gets me in trouble, sometimes not, but here are a few things I just don't get:

1) Horsemen complaining when their horse gets claimed. If you don't want to sell, don't put a price tag on him.

2) Bettors who do not use Players Cards. Depending on the casino, track or system, why wouldn't you want 2-3-5 or even 7% back on every bet you place?

3)Bridge Jump Show Bettors. For those who do not know, a bridge jump is a huge show bet on a prohibitive favorite, hoping to pick up the 5 cents on the dollar guaranteed minimum payoff. With passbook savings at 2% a year, and CD's at 4-5% a year, I guess the return on investment makes sense, but it is not an investment insured by the FDIC. Back in the old days of a 10 cent on the dollar guarantee, perhaps it made sense-- you needed to hit 9 of 10 to break even. Now you need 19 of 20 to break even -- it's like the addition of a 00 on a roulette wheel.

2-3A) Bridge Jump Show Bettors who don;t use Players Cards. So if you are playing for a 5% profit margin and can increase that by 50%, why wouldn't you. Of course, maybe Players Cards explain why bridge jumpers have become more popular. BTW, they are called bridge jumps because if you lose, you will want to jump off a bridge.

4) With the advances in technology, I don't understand why we time horse races in fifths of a second. Heck, my WRISTWATCH times accurately to the 10th of a second and it cost $7.49 at Wal-mart.

5) I do not understand net pool pricing. But that's okay. Nobody else in the world does either, with the exception of one Nobel Laureate, two MacArthur Genius Grant recipients and Ken Jennings. By the way, Jennings book, "Brainiac," is a fun read. It is one of the two best books ever written about game shows. The other is Prisoner of Trebekestan by my friend Bob Harris. Harris was a Jeopardy Tournament of Champions finalist who was a client when I booked speakers and comics He is an expert on the JFK assassination and other conspiracies.

6) I don't understand how Bob Harris could miss a Trivial Pursuit answer about JFK a few years back to lose a hotly contested match on New Year's Day. He is a bleeping expert, for crying out loud.

7) I don't understand why people don't understand, despite my having explained 3,579 times, publicly and privately, why our purses are low at Northfield. So, let me explain again. The vast majority of our handle is off-track (from OTB's, ADW's and remote simulcasting tracks) In simplified, round numbers, $7 bet in Timbuktu equals $1 bet at Northfield on our races. Now, if we want to talk about the lack of foresight of major track operators when simulcasting first began (and I am not referring to Ohio tracks here, since we were about 7-10 years behind the curve here--hard to believe, I know), that could be a very interesting post for another time.

With the holiday racing schedule and calendar, I don't know if I will be posting before the start of Chanukah, Christmas or Kwanzaa, so if not, best wishes to you for a wonderful holiday. Enjoy it. I triple-dog dare you.